Recently

I don't exactly know how I feel. Sometimes I know that things are going really good and then it seems that one little thing tears me apart. And I cant seem to get over it until I hit something. I am working on tearing out a tree stump today so that will be what I hit.

Things have really good lately and I'm trying really hard to keep peace and balance in my life where it can be permitted. Just now I am at a point where I am trying to determine if what offends me is just a preference thing or it bothers because it's sin I'm leaning towards the former. I don't think anybody likes it but, I am sick of being a cut corner and thrown away. I know those are strong words but at the moment are rather truthful. I am at point with some people that they make my decisions for me before I am even aware of my options and that is not right but I really don't anything to complain about in time it will be resolved.

Last night after worship band practice I had a very interesting opportunity to witness to a couple guys. After practice is done I like to play basketball in the parking lot. I was playing for a few minutes and guy who lived in a nearby house came over to me. He was obviously drunk and he had a beer in his hand and told me that he could hear me playing so he wanted to come over and play HORSE. I told him the truth in that I was actually planning on leaving soon but I decided to play. If he were not drunk I would thought that he was trying to hustle me because he kept telling me that he wasn't that good but he was just making incredible shot after incredible shot. I was at HOR and a friend of his(also drunk) came out of the house to tell him that his food was almost done cooking. He introduced himself to me quickly, his name is Luke. I continued to play and the guy who first came over missed his shot and he started swearing "casually" in his discourse about missing the shot. Luke then said to him, "Dude, you cant swear in God's parking lot." I really was surprised at that. And I said "Luke, you make a good point, but you know, God loves everyone no matter who they are and what they've done." Luke then said back, "Right on, I like that, I love you man, give me a hug." So I was hugged by a drunk guy because he liked what I had to say about God. After that I quickly won the game and the guy who first came over introduced himself, his name is Chris. Chris gave me a hug because we competed and that's what competitors do, I guess.
I am just in awe of God right now. I know those guys were drunk and maybe none of what we talked about that I'm not going to write down sunk in but, God has just reminded that any effort to reach out is not a waste.
Please Pray for Luke and Chris that they would come to better know God.

What?New Post!

I haven't posted in a really long time, but I dont really think it matters as no one is reading this but this has been more of a personal way of coping with reality. I haven't really been talking to my friends lately. Pretty much my only friend that I'm keeping in regular contact with is my brother Karl but, it is not really an effort cause we leave in the same house. about half of my close friends are getting married; all with in my group of close friends, Ben to Leah and Katie to Micah. I'm honestly quite frustrated about it...not that they are getting married but rather that the whole thing makes me feel quite jealous. And I don't really feel jealous in the traditional way, I feel I've been treating them differently since they each became engaged. I'm distant from them and not bothering to communicte, i don't think that is right, but i've noticed they are not the only people i'm ignoring. i don't know when i'll change. Probably today cause i'm addressing this as a problem.

woodlands

I want to go into the woods a child and come back a man. Not like the whole deer hunting analogy, i have no reason to kill a deer, at the moment. I just wish sometimes that the whole process of growing up was more simple. that it could be done in distinct steps and not just this vague mess that it seems to be for everyone.

I spent time with a lot of people last night and it wasn't as hard to do as it's been in the past. A friend of mine said that I over-think and over-complicate almost everything in my life, so I am taking sometime from that and just kind of doing.

I am working on homework on a saturday and that is different than usual. It's late and for a class i just need points for so it'll be alright eventually.

God bless, Adam

i don't know

i just felt like i should post something, it will be lazy and with little punctuation i don't really know how to spell so spellcheck will definately be used, i am sure that i dont know how to spell definately, oh well. I had an abnormal passion to homework done today. The only thing that is weird about that to me is that all i have to do sucks a lot. it is very boring, but i had a friend tell me that her mom always says "If you're bored, it probably means you're boring." so basically i'm not going to take that to heart because it means i should really love homework. enough of that, I don't want anything to do with that. I got back into writing some poetry this last week, I wrote about the late snow and a woman. the woman is weird and the late snow is normal. whatever! i am sick from all the melting but, still loving the smell.

God bless, adam

short post

I don't like the way my mind works some times. I am overly suspicious of those in know I can trust. I don't know why. I think it is part of pushing people away. paranoia sucks!

God bless, adam

PM Thoughts

I know that I'm kind of lame for posting twice in a day but, I thought that the last posts title indicated multiple posts today. I had a really good day today. God is weird and has decided to bless me a lot even though I don't deserve it. My mind has been on the scent of spring and melting snow all day; entirely captivated. I have been put at peace about things I would usually freak out about. I'm really behind in three of my classes. And I'm okay with that. In some ways, this peace could appear to be apathy but, it is not.

Something on Sunday came to my attention that seems rather odd to me. Sunday was to my knowledge the only time in my life that I've felt fat. I've been over-weight like since I was 11....yuck, almost ten years... but, in that whole time I never felt disgusted with my appearance. But just now I don't like my body or how it looks. I've lost 50+ lbs since November 2007, and now when my health is so much better and movement is easier and I have desire to keep being active and lose more is when I don't feel confident. I LOST 50 FREAKIN' POUNDS!!!! Why would I not be confident about that?

I think that God is funny sometimes. I end up saying that a lot. Ironic is perhaps a more accurate wording. I think we tend to see things as objectives instead the broad and vast things they actually are. In some ways I have changed the focus of why I'm trying to lose weight I want to be a man who loves and honors God. First and foremost. The Bible says that man honors God in various ways. Man sings to God, he prays, shouts, weeps, dances. I look at these in a few different categories, man honors God with mouth, heart and body. Starting out in November loosing weight was about honoring God with my body. That out of humility I would be a good steward of what He has blessed me with. And I think now perhaps, that my lack of confidence could be from changing my mind and truly wanting to do this for myself and not for God as much as it was before.

So I guess this has to be about God again...stupid vanity.


God Bless, adam

AM thoughts

I wish there was a way to record and preserve scent. I woke up this morning and while I walked to class I really loved the smell, the smell of things melting and the really late April snow disappearing. I think it is cool how God has made all of the earth around me and yet He had captivated by a scent. I just really appreciated God today.

I heard that there was supposed to be rain tonight, which will be nice but, only if there is some lightning and thunder. I think though that it will probably not be warm enough for the lightning.

My mind is slightly more focused than it has been lately I went to my music class and understood what we were covering when I couldn't understand it all last night, working on the home work. It's ok because I don't like minor scales and chording anyway. But now I understand but will probably forget as soon as school is done.

With the possible above mentioned rain, the amazing scent I smelled this morning may return tomorrow.

God bless, love Adam