PM Thoughts

I know that I'm kind of lame for posting twice in a day but, I thought that the last posts title indicated multiple posts today. I had a really good day today. God is weird and has decided to bless me a lot even though I don't deserve it. My mind has been on the scent of spring and melting snow all day; entirely captivated. I have been put at peace about things I would usually freak out about. I'm really behind in three of my classes. And I'm okay with that. In some ways, this peace could appear to be apathy but, it is not.

Something on Sunday came to my attention that seems rather odd to me. Sunday was to my knowledge the only time in my life that I've felt fat. I've been over-weight like since I was 11....yuck, almost ten years... but, in that whole time I never felt disgusted with my appearance. But just now I don't like my body or how it looks. I've lost 50+ lbs since November 2007, and now when my health is so much better and movement is easier and I have desire to keep being active and lose more is when I don't feel confident. I LOST 50 FREAKIN' POUNDS!!!! Why would I not be confident about that?

I think that God is funny sometimes. I end up saying that a lot. Ironic is perhaps a more accurate wording. I think we tend to see things as objectives instead the broad and vast things they actually are. In some ways I have changed the focus of why I'm trying to lose weight I want to be a man who loves and honors God. First and foremost. The Bible says that man honors God in various ways. Man sings to God, he prays, shouts, weeps, dances. I look at these in a few different categories, man honors God with mouth, heart and body. Starting out in November loosing weight was about honoring God with my body. That out of humility I would be a good steward of what He has blessed me with. And I think now perhaps, that my lack of confidence could be from changing my mind and truly wanting to do this for myself and not for God as much as it was before.

So I guess this has to be about God again...stupid vanity.


God Bless, adam