Hello

I decided recently that I should start journaling again. I am a broken person. And I need God! So severely! And hello to those of you who like stumble on random blogs, just to let you know that I don't preach that much, yet. What I intend to do with this, is just talk about life, like a blog is intended for and God is my life even when I don't really act like it.

So now that we have gone through this formal introduction garbage I have lately been upset about some stuff in my life. I have recently noticed how controlling I am, not with the intention of hurting people but to "protect" myself. I am really much more shy than I let on and because of that I really don't like to let many people get close to me. I am pretty perceptive person and I am afraid of other perceptive people.

I want people to learn things about me in a controlled environment. It's frustrating to have people understand things about me that I don't tell them. Even more frustrating is that because of this desire for control, I push away those who God has made the most able to love me. There is someone lately in my life that appears to be fairly perceptive that is taking a genuine interest in friendship with me. The weird thing is, that I don't want to push her away. I don't think it is only because of her beauty, but that is still a possibility. I like a lot guys I have my moments of being shallow. She is very sweet and kind, she is fun to be around. I have no delusions of romance, so it makes possible friendship a lot less awkward.

I have been making and succeeding in efforts to be more open with people when it is appropriate, even before this realization that I push away those that love me, and that has been going pretty good.

Jesus loves you. He loves me too. So I guess I love you too.