Sometimes i think it is too easy to say that I am broken and scarred by the things from my past. it seems sometimes like a plea for attention. to be honest with myself i don't have it that bad. yes there are things in my life past and present that hurt to think about and to acknowledge that they've made me different. But i still think that it is way too easy to jump onto this "I'm scarred, I'm broken." bandwagon. It actually kind of pisses me off to tell the truth. Real brokenness comes from knowing God. It doesn't come from your past it comes from the present. Brokenness is knowing that God is King and that you are nothing in comparison.
I guess what makes me mad about this is that people willingly hold onto these things, whatever they may be, from the past and don't acknowledge that God, through Christ wants to heal these 'scars'.
It reminds me of the whole "the dogs return to their vomit'',thing. people don't really want to give up their pain and the things that hurt them because A) they want to have something to be upset about; B) they want something to define them; and C) to do this means surrenduring control.
I want to be a person that submits to God. And I'm finding more and more that a large aspect of surrending control, at least in my life, is forgiving those who have hurt me, including myself and truly forgetting the wrong they have done me. That is not really easy, but it is worth doing. And forgetting in my experience is not turning a blind eye a to a problem and ignoring it but, moving on after the situation has been corrected.
We should use our past as a point of reference, not as a list of what has gone wrong with our lives but rather a reflection on journey towards better understanding and loving God.
This was probably some sort of crazy rant, but let me know what you think.
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2 comments:
I'm totally understanding what you are saying.
I have many scars in my past, and some are easier for Christ to erase for me than others.
I still have a fear of alcohol, but maybe God isn't erasing that scar because He has some genius plan to keep me away from it forever.
But I also have to debate that people hold onto "scars" for attention - there may be some out there that do that, but here's an analogy for ya -
let's say you have a "scar", God is the makeup that covers it. Then, one day, the Devil comes along and wipes off your "scar" with "water" (a reminder or relapse of your "scar"). Then, when you bring that up among your friends, it's not because you want attention, but because you need strength and pushing toward God.
Good blog though - keep it up, your thoughts are really great insights.
God loves,
Jessica
Adam,
I really enjoyed reading this blog entry. I think you're right on in your thoughts...thanks for the way you said it...very well done. :)
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