Another one of those ones

Sometimes it seems that I rarely ever talk about things on an emotional level, in some extremes I have been called a robot in how little it seems that I go off of emotions. Emotions are good, don't get me wrong but, sometimes it also seems that people go off of their emotions too much.
I think that people, myself included, to find more of a middle ground. Like I said before emotions are important but so is self control. The Bible talks a whole lot more about self control than it does being in touch with your emotions. Actually I don't think the Bible really says anything about emotions.
Now I don't say that to be antagonistic but I do say that fully accepting it as truth. I do however think that emotions falls into the realm of what needs to be controlled. Emotions are a part of 'self'.
I don't know I'm just being a little weird. oh well.

Challenges

I know that each day presents it's own little challenges but, sometimes I wish that I could know when I'm being challenged. This isn't necessarily a new thought but it is kind of new to me. I don't really like some of the challenges I come across in my life whether I have conquered or fail challenges I have not been a huge fan.
But, I'm reminded that this is what Christian life is about. The Christian walk or journey, if you will, is full of personal challenges and also challenges that effect more than just you and me. Sometimes though I feel that I would like to get past all that, but I continually remember that I shouldn't give up. I see people giving up all the time and it's frustrating. I feel that people give up way too easily.
Don't get me wrong, there are times in our lives that giving up, in some capacities, is far more effective and beneficial to our overall goal, but most of the time when people do give up it is because something is "Too hard". I find myself saying that sometimes and when I hear myself say that I am quite honestly sickened with myself. I know there are times when saying something is "Too hard" happens to be merely acknowledging the fact that whatever it is that we are trying to achieve may be outside of our levels of skill but many times when people say something is "Too hard" they've only looked at a problem or an obstacle in a couple ways and have not even dug into their full potential.

Oh great, I've turned this into another rant.

I am however pleased lately, to see people rise to the occasion and continue to go after and achieve things that are difficult. Things that hurt to gain. Things you have to sacrifice for. Sacrifice is never 'fun' but it is beneficial.

untitled poem

I wrote this last april.

Sometimes I think about the color of the soul.
Like the soul is not tangible, I know but,
I think it maybe might just be,
Something you can see.
And if you can see it
It’s blue and yellow I bet.
Not green not a mixture of the two.
It’s both, separated.
I remember the times,
When others would try to blow minds
By being creative,
By writing Christian poetry.
And they’d talk about the S-O-N sunshine,
It didn’t make sense but, I would find the truth
in their scrawled out lines.
I have no rights to say I’m creative,
I’m given this mind to use, not waste it.
I’ve wasted it before
and ended up on the floor
bruised and broken
wheezing and choking
on blood pouring out of my mouth
welling up from my heart.
Lord God, once again give me a new start
find the inadequacies in me
that I won’t let them see.
and throw me in the fire
to burn away life’s living mire.
the impurities in this heart that sit
make me worthless and ill-equipped.
forget the analogy, and
let’s say what this actually.
The sin I put inside of me
has torn myself from Thee.
And my heart feels hot and cold…
…and I wonder why I’m rhyming consistently.
Could it be that I’m enamored
with the God who has hammered
out my dings and nicks
and has made me a new creation
prepared to worship in all situations.

I've been thinking

Sometimes I wonder whats wrong with me, within the context of me trying to grow in Christ. I know that all Christians have these moments but, I guess I've just been contemplating and entertaining these thoughts for a little while.
One thing that I came across in my reflections on scripture yesterday was that I don't nearly take sin seriously enough.
Not that I think that sin ought to be revered or anything like that(mainly cause that's heresy) but, I rarely ever stop and say or even really think "This will kill me if I keep doing this."
Somewhere along the way the American church has lost the gravity of sin.
I cant help but, believe that when Jesus went to the cross with the full intention of dying, that he knew the severity and the gravity of the ramifications of his actions. He took on everyone's sin. And he did so with seriousness and purpose.
What am I trying to say here.
Quite simply that the fact that I don't drop down to my knees and beg forgiveness, the moment I am aware of my sin is appalling. Granted, I cannot perfectly examine my heart and know or understand all that's there but, these thoughts have just made me aware of how numb I am to my own depravity.
I know this can be true of others so I am now turning this on to the reader. How often do you lay your heart out before the Lord in humility asking God to show you where sin, vile, disgusting sin lies? How often do you surrender your desires to give yourself more fully to God?
God is good and forgiving but he is also holy and no unclean thing can be in his presence. Ask God to bless you with cleanliness and that he would purge you of sin.

I don't think that really anyone likes feeling this way

I really, really, REALLY do not like times in my life where those around me think they have me all figured out. I know I that do this to people too and I'm trying to do it less, but it is something I really still do not like.
We've been talking in one of my classes lately about how man is made in the image of God. One thing I have been thinking about is how we as humans cannot fully know God or the hows and whys of what he does. And if we are truly made in the image of God, aren't there going to be things about us that cannot fully be understood by another human.
Of course God sees all of us and understands us but, what about others? Other humans cannot know the 'hows' or 'whys', other humans cannot know the intentions of my heart, unless I tell them. I include myself as a recipient in this next piece of advice.

Stop acting like you know everything.

Because you don't.

I have my moments(as stated above) that I think I got someone all figured out and that I understand their motives and goals, but I am finding more and more that this form of judging(cause that's what it is) is totally destroying my opportunities for sharing the love of Christ for others. When I'm doing this I am unintentionally trying to hinder God's work in my own and other people's lives. Which is sin.

I love God and I'm trying to live like I say I believe. Praise God for new relizations.

an angry thought

you know how there are times in your life you're mad about something and you do something stupid when you're still upset? Well I didn't do anything really that I regret but still feel upset and stupid. i was pissed about an assignment that I do not understand how to do and it is worth a quarter of my grade and i can't even get a start on it. due tommorow.
so I cut my beard down. and now I'm itchy. i feel dumb.

this is something I wrote a while back

Like the title says I wrote a while back and I feel OK about sharing it now.


"Challenged by the love of unresting, unwavering God. I am afraid of the fact that He sees me as something, as someone, who is worthy of His love. Mind you it is not because of something I have done, for I have been painted red. Reddened by the blood of dreams I have slaughtered, mercilessly. Out of my selfishness I have oddly seen how I've hurt you. You, blameless in all ways. Corrupted, by all my ways. Not shunned by your father for loving the unclean."